Humorous clips taken from local newspapers.

 PIECES OF HUMOUR FROM TIMES PAST STUMBLED ACROSS WHILST SEARCHING OTHER ITEMS.

 

POLICE INCIVILITY.

 

Sir,- Will you through the medium of your paper, kindly allow me to bring before the notice of your readers the following incident?

On Monday evening last, about nine o’clock there was some disturbance caused by a number of young lads congregated around a house of business in Salisbury Road.  Why they were gathered there I do not know.  Unfortunately, I walked up the street about the same time with a friend, stopping at his house.  When the boys had been there a short time they gradually thinned down to about one-third of the number.  A Policeman then arrived, and the remainder immediately flew in all directions.  This officer knocked at the door at the house of business, and I suppose he explained to him the reason for this combination of youth.  He then went away.  During this ordeal I was standing, as I often do, speaking to my friend, not on the public highway but on the house premises.  The Policeman had gone about five minutes, and everything was in its usual order, when I saw one of the scholars belonging to the Sunday school of which I am a teacher.  I walked into the road, and asked him a question, but lo and behold! Who should come hurrying up the road but two more Policemen, and in the most uncivil manner one of them said:  “Know then, what are you doing here? Clear off!”

I was not on the footpath but in the roadway.  There was no crowd, but simply myself and friend, the scholar before mentioned, a friend of his and a man.  I have no word to say against the Police generally, believing to be a smart, useful, amiable, and well intentioned body of men, but I think that a few of them are a little too smart, and not sufficiently desirous of ascertaining who they are talking to, and what they are putting their authority into action for.

If I had been mixed up in a crowd, and a general order to disperse had been given, I should have understood, but remembering the crowd had gone some time ago I was in the roadway, impending no one’s progress, had just stopped to ask one of my own scholars a question, and not being a boy, neither a resident in Bohemia, I think at least the Policeman could have done was to show common courtesy, and if he desired us to move, ask civilly.

I mention this because I feel that it is not pleasant to those who have been taught to be polite to all to be spoken so roughly to (even though he be a Policeman that speaks), and especially when there are no real grounds for it.  It was no fault of ours that a disturbance of some sort occurred near the spot a short time before.  They were doing their duty in coming to see if their services were required, but let them learn not to exceed it, and I would, in kindness, conclude by asking them (for their own good, and the well being of the efficient Police force which the borough possesses) to halt a moment under future similar circumstances, and see if they are offenders who they are shifting.

Yours Truly,

A LOVER OF PEACE AND ORDER.

June 9th 1896

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INCOME TAX – APPEAL NOW.

To the Editor of the Observer.

 Sir,- Your readers the ever unwelcome notices of charge to Income Tax for the year 1911-12 should exam them carefully.  If the assessment is excessive they should consult us at once.

Notice of appeal should be given within ten days.  If the present opportunity is allowed to pass, it would be no use grumbling when the time comes for payment of the tax.

Claims of a certain class where the income is derived from property and dividends can still be made for three years, but these claims should be put in hand at once.

Yours truly,

THE INCOME TAX RECOVERY AGENCY.

21a, Wellington-Place, Hastings.

 1911

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FREDERICK ROAD INFIRMARY.

REPORT FROM THE FINANCE COMMITTEE.

JANUARY 1928.

USING TOO MUCH ELECTRIC LIGHT AND HEATING.

MUST USE LESS LIGHT AND HEATING FUEL.

The Finance Committee reported on the increase in the consumption of electricity at the Infirmary, and recommended:-

(a) That all employees at the Institution should have a typed slip sent them, asking that the strictest economy be observed in the use of electric light, (especially the domestic staff, the nursing and medical officers staff).

(b)  The Master’s light record book to be produced at each meeting of the Finance Committee, and any increase of the amount of current consumed to be explained in writing by the officer concerned.

(c)  The Master to be asked to compile a return of all lights and power.

(d)  No “60 watt” lamps to be used in the corridors; any already there should be replaced by “30 watts”).

(e)  The Porters room (a comparatively small room) has two “60 watt” lamps; one should be sufficient.

The report was adopted.

HEATING ARRANGEMENTS.

The Works Committee reported that they had considered the heating and hot water arrangements of the old buildings.  At present there were five hot-water boiler systems in use.

Of these five boilers two were due for immediate renewal, and a considerable length of piping was almost useless owing to internal corrosion.  It would be better in theory to have one central system, but the Committee found that this would entail an expenditure of more than £600, and the installation in the Nurses Home was in good order.  As an alternative, the Committee suggested that four of the existing boilers be scrapped, and a new installation arranged from just one boiler.  This work could be carried out by the Board’s own staff, and the total cost would be about £150. without counting the use of the Guardian’s own work-men.  Taking wages into account, the full cost would be about £250, and would provide a good and economical system.  But if the boiler broke down for any reason the entire building complex would be without any hot water for the duration until repairs were carried out!

No comment was made upon this suggestion!

Councillor Paulson, moving the adoption of the report, said the Committee knew of a good second-hand boiler which had been offered at a reasonable figure, and the saving in fuel would soon pay for it.

Mr. Relph asked how long the boiler had been out of use.  He had seen it, and did not like the look of it.  If they were not careful they would be buying trouble.

Mr. Youhill said the boiler came from the old East Sussex Hospital, after being in use for about six months.  He agreed it wasn’t much to look at, but anything standing about did not improve its appearance; also it would be inspected and certified, so there would be no trouble, it meant another £50 on the bill if they had a new one, and the boiler was really a bargain.

Mr. Groome said he took it that the whole of the report depended on the guarantee, so that they were quite safe in voting for it.

The report was adopted.

“RIDICULOUS” DELAY.

The same report stated that on dismantling the potato steamer in the Infirmary Kitchen a crack had been discovered in the side of the oven, the engineer was of the opinion that a wrought iron patch would remedy the matter, and the Committee recommended that a piece of wrought iron 16 inches x 6 inches x ½ inch be obtained.

Mr. Youhill said the whole of the cooking department had been held up for that trifling thing.  He thought it was ridiculous for such a little matter to be brought before the Board for sanction.  Why didn’t they just get on with it?

January 1928

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Old Metals of every description wanted.

Motor Cycle Tyres, and other waste rubber.

Horse and Cow hair purchased for cash.

Write for prices.

Harry Butler, 68, George Street, Hastings.

 

Hasting & St Leonards Observer   September 1906

 

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A ‘Burying of the Hatchet’ Dinner.

We understand that another ‘Burying of the Hatchet’

dinner has been arranged to shortly take place at Ore.

Twelve Liberals and twelve Conservatives will be invited to attend.

A prominent member of each party will make the arrangements.

The usual conditions will prevail, and any dinner mentioning Politics at the dinner will have to pay for drinks for the whole company.

 

Hastings & St Leonards Observer March 1906

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RUNAWAY HORSE

WOULD-BE ANGLER FINDS FISH ON HIS CAR.

 When a horse drawing a fish barrow bolted in Athelstone Road, Clive Vale, on Wednesday, careered across the road and mounted the pavement, the cart broke away and ran backwards into the front of a car, fish being scattered in all directions.  The horse in its wild career narrowly missed a woman wheeling a perambulator.

The car belonged to Mr. A.H.Mann, and when he was called from his house he found the front of it smothered in fish.  He had arranged to go fishing that afternoon, but had to spend some time cleaning his car.  The front of the car was slightly damaged.

He said “now there’s no need to go fishing with the area covered in fish.”

 

July 1938

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MEN AT WORK!

 

Sir,- On a recent afternoon, after having just missed a No. 75 bus, I watched three Corporation workmen re-making a pavement in Elphinstone Road.  During the 15 minutes that I waited for another bus, I watched the workmen, the sum total of work done was one barrow load of earth wheeled 4 yards and emptied.  Two men leaned on their shovels smoking cigarettes, and talked throughout this time, and just before I boarded the bus a forth man re-joined the group after a lengthy conversation with a passer-by.

Is this typical of the speed at which some Corporation road-men work?

It would be interesting to know the cost of the re-making the island bus stop at Downs Road.

To the best of my knowledge it took either five or six weeks to lay 50 kerb stones and 47 pavement stones on this island, and several men were engaged in doing so.

 

Owner

Dorset Laundry

Elphinstone Road

Hastings

August 1953

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A curious window display

“Frog in your throat?”

 Thanks to the enterprising ingenuity of Messrs. J. Bell and Co., the Chemists in Robertson Street, the inhabitants of Hastings and St Leonards are now able to see just how one of the latest developments of Yankee advertising.

In Messrs. J. Bell and Co.’s window can now be seen one of the most original and striking window displays ever seen in this town.  This is a device to introduce and advertise a new bronchial and voice lozenge with the curious and suggestive appellation of “Frog in your throat?”

“Frog in your throat?” is an interesting  bit of philology, being an old English expression once in common use, now forgotten here, but still in daily use in America, where it has survived  from the language of the early settlers.  In U.S.A., if a person coughs or shows any hoarseness or loss of voice, the question at once is asked: “What is the matter? Got a frog in your throat?”  This lozenge we learn, is in almost universal use in U.S.A., and is rapidly finding favour in all parts of England not only as a cure for all throat troubles, but also as an invaluable aid to singers, preachers, teachers, and all voice workers.

The display above mentioned consists almost entirely of Japanese artificial frogs, arranged in all manner of grotesque and comical groups and combinations.  The idea carried out in Mr. Bell’s window is a tableau of “Merry England in Ye Olden Times.”  There may be seen walking along a real gravel path attended by his servants bearing gifts, “His Excellency the Ambassador from Frogland,” approaching the May Queen, who sits enthroned waiting to receive him.  The Queens faithful subjects may be seen on the neighbouring greensward, engaged in various sports and pastimes, peacefully and otherwise.

Here we see going forward a game of skittles, with the seemingly inevitable accompaniment of England’s national beverage, there’s archery too; further on two are engaged in a bout of quarter-staff, while there we see two votaries of the gloves.  As if to show that happiness is not absolutely unalloyed even in Frogland, we see there one seated in the stocks, no doubt doing penance for past misdeeds.

Space forbids us entering into full details, but we must just mention “Ye Maypole” and the new version of the “Frog who would a wooing go.”  This display was specially designed by Mr. J.E. Garratt, of Philadelphia, sole agent in Europe for the lozenge, “Frog in your Throat?”

 

December 1894

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ANIMAL NOT PARTIAL TO FISH.

Davis v. Vincett

This was claim for 30s., damages, by plaintiff, who is a fisherman.—Mr. Glenister was for the defendant.—On the 30th March he (plaintiff) was pursuing his calling at St. Leonards, hawking fish, when a mad bullock, driven by one of plaintiff’s men, ran into his barrow and upset the cart. The fish he valued at 25s., and claimed 5s., for the damage to the cart. He was out of work through the occurrence for several days.—Cross-examined: He had never been told that the bullock was the property of Mr. Hughes, and did not belong to defendant.—Plaintiff called a man who was present at the occurrence, and said it was defendant’s bullock. Witness was driving a cart and the bullock got its head under his horse’s collar and drove him up against the iron railings saw the defendant and told him the animal had done him no damage, he asked him what he was going to stand, because he (witness) was frightened, and defendant gave him a fourpenny piece, and he would not mind having another similar coin at that time. (Laughter.)-Mr. Glenister, in defence, contended that the animal was the property of Mr. Richard Hughes, who. being called, was asked by his Honour whether he would like to be made the defendant in the case.—He replied in the negative, and, on being sworn, admitted the ownership of the bullock —Defendant was called, and said he purchased five beasts at Hailsham Market. He sold one to Mr. Hughes (which was the one in question), and was paid £19 down in respect of it before leaving the market.—The man that drove the animal from Hailsham said it was going quietly till it got near plaintiff, who was calling fish. He was asked by plaintiff as to whom the beast belonged, and he told him Mr. Vincett, not knowing had been sold to Mr. Hughes.— Verdict for defendant, but without costs, as plaintiff had been misled as to ownership. Herbert Wall Fielder.

 

April 1882 at Hastings Borough Bench.

 

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A SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENT. (a slight dig, at who!)

Sir, —I made application to the Municipal Authorities recently, suggesting putting a hand rail, down one of the very steep gradients in our Old Town, together with a suggestion for better lighting in the Croft too, and to my astonishment I have their reply stating that they see no necessity at present for the handrail nor lights. Now, I will ask you, or any other public person, if one is not much needed in Salter’s-lane as Wallinger’s Walk?  But I suppose, as a relation mine once said who wanted his plans passed for building a room over his back additions, but had them refused on account of the paltry excuse—there was not quite sufficient air by just a few cubic inches- it is useless to try to get on with the Council unless you have friends in it!  I suppose, if one of the Council had slipped down in Salters Lane and had broken his leg, we shall get our long-needed improvement at once!  I would willingly pay my share towards having it put there, but that a public improvement such as that should be carried out with public money. It appears that you just cannot reason with the council.

Yours truly,

A CAREFUL MAN.

February 1885.

Word for word letter by a disgruntled resident, electronically copied from a newspaper of the time.

More will follow soon…………